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Hi! My name is He Who. I’m a junk food addict and I love ketchup! I like it more than anyone else in the world and almost as much as I love fresh cut french fries. I’m telling you this because of a blog I read called Life on a Silva Platter which extols the virtues of mayonnaise and I think  ketchup deserves at least as much.

I’m the guy who orders ketchup with a filet mignon at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. And at Shula’s in Manhattan. Of course, I ask for my steak to be butterflied and well-done, with fries on the side. I especially like the shoestrings you get at Ruth’s Chris. I always ask for a second order to take home. Where I use my own ketchup.

Shoestring Fries

I won’t eat just any ketchup, either. It has to be Heinz.  But let me tell you about Ruth’s Chris. I had been to R’s C in Fort Lauderdale and loved it. So, while trying to impress Michelle early in our relationship, I took her to their location in downtown Toronto. This visit didn’t seem to go as well, but I don’t think it was the restaurant’s fault. For some reason, M tried to make herself disappear when I ordered a burnt steak and ketchup — lots of ketchup. The waiter brought me two full bowls of the best which were mysteriously empty half-way through dinner. I asked for more. Surprisingly, the waiter was far more obliging than my date. It took quite a while before Michelle would go out with me again. Heck, I hadn’t even flinched when she ordered her meat raw rare with sides of mushrooms and asparagus. GAK. Since then we’ve eaten at several more Ruth’s Chris locations including the one in Maui.

Ruth's Chris Lahaina, Maui

You can imagine that I use ketchup on most of the food I eat, like fried eggs, potatoes, cabbage rolls, spaghetti and meatballs, blueberry pie, fish and chips and Chinese fried rice. A friend once told me that Chinese food was a medium for the wonderful sauces that accompany it. I feel the same way about ketchup. The food is the medium. As an aside, can you believe that I hadn’t tried ketchup on Kraft Dinner until just last year? MMMmmmm.

There are some things I won’t enhance with a touch of ketchup, like apple pie, french toast, pancakes, porridge, pizza, pea soup or grilled cheese sandwiches. Now I know for a fact that some of you use ketchup on your grilled cheese sandwiches and french toast, but not me. That would be too much of a good thing. Ha Ha. I remember Pops using salt and pepper on his french toast. “It has eggs in it,” he said. “Don’t you salt and pepper your eggs?” Yes I do, and then comes the ketchup! But I prefer jam, syrup or cinnamon and sugar on my french toast. I do, however, like to clean the plate by soaking up the residue from fried eggs and ketchup with my regular rye toast. Weird?

But it’s a good thing I love ketchup. If I don’t get back to work soon, I’ll be living on ketchup sandwiches. And Michelle will starve. She doesn’t like ketchup.

Do you use ketchup? On who what?

Heinz Ketchup

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